?

I seriously wonder what goes on in my husband's brain sometimes...

He has convinced Dylan that I am not his step mom anymore. That we aren't together anymore... like it's that easy.

He doesn't want to bring Dylan over to see his brothers because he fears what I might say to Dylan.. he doesn't want me to make him look bad to his 10 year old son...

Here is my point...

Jim's dad left him... and he has a TERRIBLE relationship with his dad.... mostly because he left and wasnt' there...

And Jim left Dylan when he was 2... and is barely involved in his life now 8 years later.... gets him the bare minimal.. every other weekend...

So... he doesn't want Dylan to come over and see his brothers because I might tell Dylan the truth. That we are still married.. that what Daddy is doing is called an affair and it's the WRONG thing to do...

Instead Jim would rather convince Dylan that making kids and leaving them is ok.. cheating your wife.. go ahead.. as long as it makes you happy you do it....

HMMM....

Anyone else see the twisted view on reality?

Why would you want your children to grow up not knowing right from wrong? It's pretty simple... Don't get married if you can't commit to forever... Because when you decide to break up a marriage you destroy MANY lives...

Let's see.. Jim leaving us destroyed his life, all 3 of his kids' life (way to be a parent and put your children first), but I refuse to allow this to destroy my life.

I will use this as lesson learned and make better choices the next time. I will marry again. I will provide my children with a dad. Because they deserve a dad... one that will make them pancakes.. and teach them to ride their bikes.. who will throw a ball with them... One that is there every day good and bad! Kissing boo boos and changing diapers.

I understand that he is their father.. and I will never deny that. I will never say he can't see his children.. they are his kids too... but I will protect them and try to offer them the BEST life they can have... And teaching my children right from wrong is a lesson that they certainly need to know.. even at 2 years old I try to teach Adam the difference between being a good boy and a bad boy.

I suppose I should have seen all this coming. He cheated on Dylan's mom.. he cheated with his best friend's girlfriend and still never told him that he did... and he cheated on me lots with porn...

I just wish I would have listen to all the people who told me not to be with Jim....

But I guess in the end I should thank Jim. Without him I wouldn't have 2 amazing baby boys. And I also wouldn't have this amazing relationship with my Creator.... Jim leaving was what gave me the final push to fully embracing the wonders of a deep intimate relationship with God. I have more joy and peace than I ever have in my whole entire life!

So... I will take this anger.. and pain.. and I will share it with Him and He will listen...