I cannot take it anymore. I am sooo tired of going with out. I have 1 bra that fits me comfortably. I have 1 pair of jeans. 1 pair of borrowed dress pants. And that is honestly the only pants that I own that really should be worn in public. However I wear stained or holey yoga pants all the time. At least they are comfortable. My shirts are either too short or the show off too much boobie.... I just can't win. I own no clothing that make me fell like a woman or pretty. Nothing! I can't even make myself feel good because I lost all my makeup. ALL of it!!! I have no foundation, blush, mascara, bronzer.... all my basics GONE!!!!!! Where? I have NO idea.... Not to mention that I have the world's bushiest eyebrows ever.. and I simply cannot feel pretty with hairy eyebrows.
I know life as mom, your children are always first. I know that me as a person have always spent my money on others WAY before I spent it on myself! So... I don't work so I don't deserve anything. Or at least this seems to be the way my husband thinks. And I agree to a point. But when how you look starts to affect your happiness. It's bad. But hey I'm 150lbs heavier than I'd like to be so that certainly doesn't help.
Well ok.. that is over. .... OR IS IT????
Not only do I feel like I got the short straw. O well get over it Krystal.... I am getting really frustrated... if you went over our bills versus our income.. we should have $500 left over every month. We should not be broke... and yet we are! UGH!!!!!! I hate it. I really do. I SOOOO want to cloth diaper. I even put Adam in the cloth diapers... but we really need covers. But Jim just isn't sure about it all. Why is this so hard? It saves money!!! We need to save money!!! I just wish I had a fairy Godmother who'd come and grant me 3 wishes! LOL I wish someone would be like hey my kiddos arent' in diapers anymore, would you like to use my cloth diapers? I would KISS them! ON THE LIPS!
And then I soo want to buy Adam this toy for his half birthday.... I still haven't looked at Walmart to see if it's there or Kmart I heard it's cheap there.... I pray I can find it and get it for him.. HE LOVES it!! FisherPrice little Superstar.
well ok.. I give up. I will never have what I want. I never will. No will ever just give me what I want either. I will have to grow up and stand up for myself (someday) ...
someday...
Therapy over!
4 comments:
I'm sorry things are tough right now. I know how it feels to be heavier and not feel pretty. Stay strong because you never know what the future hold and things could change in an instant.
Thanks megan!
Thanks megan!
Well, I have no cloth diapers to give you, but...I do have a Fisher Price SuperStar that Miss Elli has decided she's not interested in anymore. :-) So, if you want to borrow it until Adam's not interested anymore, you certainly can!
And I can relate some to the lack of clothes issue - I realized that, going into fall, I pretty much have nothing that fits or looks good. And while I know you're thinking "Yeah, but you have the money to fix that problem", perhaps that's true - but I don't have the TIME to fix that problem with all of Elli's therapy and stuff...so while it's different causes, I understand the feelings behind it!
I think part of this is adapting to life as a mom - trying to figure out the balance between taking care of our precious little ones and still finding the time/resources to take care of ourselves! Every mom I've talked to goes through it to some degree, so know that you're not alone!
I think perhaps our next get-together might need to be a shopping trip at Birch Run - and perhaps I'll buy you a few early Christmas presents...and you can help me find something that looks decent, too! :-)
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